My dating life is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you’re going to get

I can’t describe my dating life in one word or phrase and give you an accurate picture. Before we take this journey together, I feel it’s essential you know what you are getting into. I made this a sex and dating blog because I only have time to write one of these things, not a dickens length series of novels. If I had to describe my “dating” life, it’d be just like that line from Forrest Gump, on any given day I never know what I’m going to get. The best way to describe my dating life is a mix between 50 Shades of Grey, a rom-com, one of those terrible Lifetime movies, an early season of Sex and the City, and a funny Netflix series with a strong female protagonist.

This isn’t the place to come for advice. I have some talents and wisdom that I’m happy to pass along, but that’s not what this is. This is the place to be entertained. Maybe you see yourself in my stories, perhaps you see what you’d like to avoid. Regardless I hope to bring some laughter, some excitement, and maybe some inspiration that will work its way into your romantic life. I also hope that putting all this down is a bit cathartic for me, living in such a whirlwind from man to man can be emotionally draining. Maybe writing this down will help me make some tough decisions, like one that I’m facing right now.

To understand the melodramatic situation I find myself in today you have to have a greater understanding of the last 6 months. I won’t throw this on you all at once, but I’ll do some flashback posts that explain some recent relationships I’ve had. Now to give you a brief overview of my melodrama – this is where the Lifetime movie comes in. I’ve actually fallen in love. I say actually because it’s never really happened to me before. I thought it happened once when I was 19 and in college, but that was to a much older man, and even though I’m not 100% sure what I felt for him was love, I came to realize he never truly loved me. That lead me to seek emotionally unavailable men for my 20’s (yes, she psychoanalyzes herself) until this year when I turned 30 and thought “what the fuck? What are these relationships all my friends are getting into, let’s give this a try!”

Cut to 6 months into this new routine, and I’ve fallen in love with a married man, who on and off says he’s leaving his wife. I know what you are thinking: “woman, this is the most basic troupe of the Lifetime movie, how could you be so stupid? He’s never leaving her”. I’ve said all this to myself countless times. To understand the utterly stupid predicament I find myself in you have to know how this relationship progressed. From a hookup on tinder, to when I found out he was married but decided to keep my feelings out of it, to the roller coaster of his getting a divorce (and then not). Somewhere along the way, I fell into the most predictable trap of all, love. Are your eyes rolling just as much from reading that as mine are from typing it? Good, then we are going to get along famously!

I promise you most of this blog will be about the offensively erotic and exciting sex I’ve been having. Whether that’s with a hot 28-year-old or a mature 42-year-old who knows precisely what to do with his tongue or an intelligent 40-year old who likes to bend me over the bed, take off his belt and… well, that’s a story for another day. Needless to stay the bruises from that only just healed.

Up To No Good 😉

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